Boehner as the Responsible Parent

It is the week before Christmas and the man-child President Obama writes Santa that he wants a real Thompson sub-machine gun, 5,000 rounds of .45 ammo and a case of live hand grenades for Christmas.  Good parent John Boehner thinks that this would be very dangerous to Barack and to anyone within range and refuses. He suggests a toy machine gun; a Mattel, Dick Tracy Thompson that takes roll caps. He knows that every toy that Barack gets is never used in a responsible way and that even at his age, he can not be left unsupervised by a responsible adult.
The permissive parent, Harry Reid, likes to shoot automatic weapons and thinks that it will be fun for Barack to have his own so that they can spend quality time together and have fun firing their machine guns.  Maybe even kill some elephants.  He argues that Barack will begin acting responsibly just as soon as he gets his Chicago Typewriter but not a minute before.
Ultimately, John goes down to Toys R Us and compromises. He buys a Super Soaker and some water balloons to try to appease the the spoiled brat. John brings the gifts to the house and carries them upstairs to show Harry what he thinks would be a much safer option and just hopes that Barack will not have another tantrum on Christmas morning.
But Harry will have none of it. He refuses to even wrap the present. He throws the Super Soaker in the trash and insists that John find someone who lives in Maryland, where it is legal to buy machine guns, to get little Barack exactly what he wants. He does not want a bad holiday with an angry spoiled child.
John refuses to buy the Thompson and suggests that a pellet gun would be a good test to see if he can handle the responsibility of that before going further.
The local TV news gets wind of this. They broadcast a piece on how John Boehner is depriving little Barack of his happiness and urge that their viewers call Child Protective Services to give sole custody to Harry Reid.
John Boehner fights this irresponsible move, knowing that Harry wants to give Barack the tommy gun and send him down to the park to play with it. That is where we find ourselves today.

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